I’ve been meaning to cover this topic awhile now. Before I go any further I want to express that BDSM can have different meanings for the average person. Ask anyone on the street or random people you know, and you will receive many answers. Ask random friends what financial domination is.. and you will get confused looks or the craziest opinions. I’ve covered many times that Findom is a form of BDSM involving a power transfer. Regardless of how findom is played for each person, the cash is merely TRANSFERRING away ones life source, LITERALLY. It’s a humiliating act, handing over your hard earned cash just to be abused, feeling lower then the worlds biggest loser, and many other ways. Its more intense then transferring physical control and being motionless. That said, playing findom is like playing with fireworks. It CAN be dangerous, risky, reckless, and thats what can make it so erotic. Most subs are not drones, the majority of subs like to play findom on their OWN terms.
One time I had a slave tied to my door handle by his balls. I would close and open the door as he would scream along with thanking me. Of course it was good fun. But what If something happened that was unexpected? If he had felt a pain that was not usual, it could dangerous and not in a good way. Bad pain is your body trying to tell you something is wrong. This is where the BDSM essential SAFE WORD comes in. And it should ALWAYS be specified with any master slave relationship. And abnormal pain is what Kyle felt. He stated the safe word which was “Apples” and told me he was hurting. I quickly untied his balls and checked them for anything unusual. He sat down as I offered him a glass of water, dropping my dominant role IMMEDIATELY and stepping back into my genuine human personality. He waited and was relieved the pain was gone, but asked to go lighter and not slam the door as hard.
Take one of my newest slaves Thomas for example. He likes getting spanked and whipped very hard to where welts are left on his ass. He has some still as of this writing. Today, he told me after session he was close to using the safe word, as I hit him really hard. I could read his face and could see him cringe, so I loosened up on my own. My suspicions were correct when he told me maybe it was too much, but he still enjoyed it.
A Slave can have a fantasy contract that he follows for years as an example. One day when something major happens in his personal life, he finds he can’t play findom at the moment or needs to scale down. The safe word is great at telling their dominant “hold on a second.”
Having a safe word is CRUCIAL. Even if a slave states they don’t know what a safe word is or don’t want one, I force one out of them. If they refuse, I won’t let them serve me and for good reasons. Most of the time the safe word isn’t used in findom, but when it comes into play, everything should stop or be put on pause. This is not just for ethical reasons, but also the durability of the long term dynamics. The safe word gives the submissive a sense of comfort zone, like a pendant offering protection thats kept in a back pocket. Deep down MOST subs want to be able to stop at anytime if they please (and they should be able to.) In writing this I’m speaking on a serious and human level, as I’ve made mistakes as a dominant. I’ve also seen subs of other masters come running to me needing aftercare that they failed to receive. I hear things, and I listen because deep down I am a laid back and caring person. Their conversations stay in secrecy.
I wrote a blog called “Making Me Power Of Attorney” to where my slave called the safe word after a series of adventures of being reckless. I signed out of all accounts, dissolved the power of attorney, and stopped the master sub relationship immediately. I didn’t try to manipulate him in going back on the safe word. I find it disgusting to hurt someone when they don’t wish to engage any further deep down. If they’ve had their fun and thank you for a fun time, let them go. I have talked to another slave (not on this site) who has served a master for years now. He vents to me regularly on how his life is suffering and that findom is becoming less fun. His life is falling apart as we speak. He’s tried to tell his master he wants to stop and that his life is becoming unmanageable. His attempts to communicate are completely ignored as he’s manipulated again with the same “you will never escape and will always be a cash faggot.” Situations like these are another reason why safe words are needed in all forms of BDSM. If the slave had a safe word to show he was serious, he could say fuck you to the dominant in question and walk away if it was not respected.
If you are a master or mistress, ask a slave what a safe word should be especially with long term dynamics. This will help you more then you realize. Many subs feel intimidated to communicate due the nature of this scene. By allowing them to feel a sense of safety in their hands, they will be more likely to tell you things that they normally wouldn’t. The fact that you care enough to place a safe word will place the minds of many at ease.
If you are a submissive, ask a new master or mistress what a safe word should be, or be blunt and state what you want your safe word to be. Not all masters are mind readers, and its up to YOU to communicate if you are feeling BAD emotional/physical pain. If the mistress negates the whole notion of a safe word, move along to someone else because your feelings will not be considered.
If you want this to be fun and safe, follow simple BDSM essentials. These terms were all coined for a REASON. Play safe everyone.